He's opening up a taco cart in Portland, Oregon! (And yes, the Mercury people already made the obligatory "these tacos will change your life" joke.) A publicist has confirmed that the report is true.

One day I follow Piracci to a girl’s house near the park. Her name is Jasmine. Her father reminds me of Bob Dylan but talks like Robert Deniro. She sits on Piracci's lap by the front door and they talk while I look out for her father. Piracci tries to kiss her and she turns her head. I notice that her hair is aqua and she’s wearing black lipstick and knee-high rainbow-colored socks.


When we leave I tell him she’s never going to put out and tell him not to waste his time. He snickers.

The next week he is dating a girl who wears high heels and smokes more than he does.

Months later we all go to a party. A young blond is there laughing with other young blonds. She has blue eyes and a petite build and I think for the first and the last time that I’ve found someone like my mother, whom my father has always insisted I find. Jasmine is there and she’s throwing a fit. Someone overhears that she’s bipolar, and we all pretend to know what it means by shaking our heads.

It’s late April and like most stoned teenagers we walk around trying to break stuff, trying to break into stuff, taking more drugs, imagining what life will be like when we’re The Beatles, eating cockroach tacos at Ziggy’s and trying to be cool enough for girls while pretending we don’t care.

On the playground at St. Joe’s Keith roles a blunt, and we all smoke and everyone is there: Piracci, Keith, Anastasia, Jasmine, Ben, Jesse, Hirsch, Victor, and me. After about a half hour Hirsch thinks he sees cops on bikes and we all bolt to different corners of the schoolyard.

Jasmine and I run off to the far side of the playground underneath a pine tree with heavy branches. We have been dating for five weeks. We kiss and she undoes my belt buckle. She pulls it out and then lowers her head. I cum almost instantly, but because this is her first experience with this too, Jasmine pulls her mouth off halfway through my stream and I coat her blouse and skirt. I apologize. She says it will come out. The bikers ride by and are they are two middle-aged men with wristbands, headbands, and radio headsets.